Did it ever occur to you why people get angry? frustrated? feel helpless and all these other negative emotions? It is mostly because of certain factors, at that time, that invoked those emotions. We all understand that, but most commonly people get trapped in those emotions that result in negative situations, and thus a negative life. I’ll try to explain how to deal with such emotions here.
The most common thing that most people do wrong when trying to solve a problem, is to try to solve the problem directly as one big chunk, without trying to break it down and understand it. In order to break it down, we need to look at those problems from a 3rd person view. The same goes for emotions. The first question a person should ask themselves is “Why am I feeling this?”. This question alone, takes us out from going head to head with the problem, to try to look at it from the side and understand the structure. The more we are honest about the answers, the more it becomes a mere sequence of logical events and occurrences that we can start to solve.
For example, let’s say you are at your work. For some reason you feel frustrated because things are not going right. Everything you do keeps turning bad, and you feel the pressure from your boss and colleagues. People try to coop with that by “working harder”, or promising to do a better job next time. Thus, increasing the amount of frustration they get, and feel even worse. The most logical (and positive) thing to do in such situation is to ask yourself “what is the exact thing I am doing that is causing this frustration?”. Note that this is different from asking “what is going wrong?”. When you ask yourself what is causing YOU frustration, you can start to calm down and think in a 3rd person view about the problem. You will eventually arrive at the question of “what exact thing in the process of my work that is causing the problem?” or “Why do I have to feel frustration?” or any other specific questions. Thus it allows you to see the whole picture, and start pointing at the real sources of the problem. Once you discover that, you can start working on it and solving it bit by bit!
Another example is, let’s say you got angry at a person. That person did something at a certain moment that invoked the anger emotion in you. It would not be easy though, but training your mind to ask, in such an intense situation, “What lead him/her to do that?” would instantly cool you off. Because our minds get shut off when we are angry. Asking – from your own self – such logical questions, will force the mind to work and thus cool off for a moment (Not to mention other tools like taking deep breaths). This is not to tell you to not get angry, but it is to prevent you form doing something you don’t want to do, and to let you understand what is the source of your anger and how you can deal with it.
When we deal with ourselves, the 3rd person view of us is VERY VERY important. It allows us to give any situation its real size. It also helps us to listen more to people, and appreciate different opinions on things.
The key point here is to understand the source of the emotion, then understand why did that source exist and how to deal with it. More logic means less emotional catastrophes. Hence, less disastrous actions.